I’m all about being fully functional when it comes to technology. I have a TREO, an IPod, digital camera, computer and all that jazz. I admit that I’ve been sketchy when it comes to posting on BlindI (thanks Geo for the umpteenth instruction) but me and the new millennium are in full swing.However, when it comes to incorporating technology into dating and relationships nowadays I get very aggravated when personal communication is trumped by tech. Call me old-fashioned… I know we are moving into an era where people get in touch with each other in nontraditional ways but that outlet is on the verge of getting abused. I had a conversation about this with girlfriends recently and there was a general consensus : some of our favorite parts of getting into the groove are slowly being obliterated.
When we meet a dude and throw some Ds on him, we obviously look forward to that first conversation. We even get kind of giddy about it or annoyed if too many days have passed without the calling. Yeah, if we liked you in theory we “wait by the phone.” So when you glance at your text inbox and there is something along the lines of what’s up remember me in there, our brows are furrowed. Then the recap ensues to make sure we know who we are texting, wasting time and making it weird for when we actually talk. I always halt that right then and there like, “Why did you text and not call?”And then some run of the mill answer hardly suffices for why the first impression and stab at building is reduced to finger hopscotch on the mobile device. My friend told me that even though she has unlimited she’ll reply “I don’t have a text plan.”
What that signals to a woman is that the questionable dude may be A) lazy about his holler attempt B) possibly juggling too many girls and trying to remember “which one” you are or what your name was C) wifed up and sneaking around D) socially awkward E) unsure of himself. And none of those are appealing. We want a stand up dude to be assertive, proactive, and take the lead. No matter how you slice it you eventually have to have the inevitable tell me about yourself chats. The follow up chats. It’s kind of like a limp handshake at a job interview. We want that candidate with the firm hand!Texts are just an example but it goes deeper.
Technology makes it so easy for people to skate around handling the uncomfortable parts of being a human being and communicating with others. Or the fun parts. People now send Happy Birthday or mass Happy Thanksgiving texts. And as time passes, rather than hashing out the elephant in the room topics like the adults we are, people are opting to cop out and plan their responses. And edit and revise them (LOL. RFLMAO. TTYL, IDK. STFU)! Studies show that when people feel uneasy in crowds they get on the phone or put on their IPods. You’ve seen it. A room full of people fumbling around on their phones. God forbid they make eye contact or actually start a conversation with someone beyond their comfort zone!
It’ easy to be avoidant and hide behind a text, an email, or a myspace message, but it perpetuates awkward dating! Men you all know women beat you in the head about calling us. We want to hear from you since we are naturally communicators. And most men aren’t big on talking on the phone. But emails and such should be supplementary: only or on the checking on you tip or to confirm plans. Not make plans. Not confess stuff. I can’t count the amount of men that have revealed important info via text and most recently email. So not authentic.
In general, some men and women just get kind of fucked up when technology interferes. Analyzing myspace messages. Fighting and breaking up via text. IM arguments. How the can you really determine someone’s tone by reading? All caps does not account for yelling. Raise your hand if you or a friend haven’t had someone really start some relationship internet beef? A prime example of that for the facebookers is the honesty box. Funny how people can tell you “honestly” what they think of you anonymously. It’s NOT REAL FOLKS!!!
So that is a current gripe that seems to only be getting worse. We applaud those that are true to their go-getterness and actually put their back into pursuing a young woman. I’m sure most of you Blind I boys and readers stay true to the game so your opinion is always appreciated. And I know girls probably hit you on the corny tip as well with the “where is this going” texts etc. Like I said before, I like it old fashioned. Call me, talk to me in person and please don’t give me carpel tunnel from responding to texts. If good old courtship is on the outs then we all may as well be teleporting our emotions around and having sex with our computers. What’s been bugging you about the ladies/men lately?I open my memory to recall a few texts from guys (that I didn’t know well and obviously proved they were sketchy)just for the sake of Monday HUMOR in your cube.
#1. John Don’t: Man I need to get back in the studio and get on this recording tip.
Me: So music is your passion eh?
John Don’t: Well..actually I am a baller turned rapper due to a certain situation.
Me: (Intuition sets in. Frown). Um so was that a good or a bad situation?
John Don’t: Well if you call getting stabbed 11 times a good situation. LOL. **No LOL. And no response!!!! And mind you we didn’t even go on a first date since he spelled out his d-r-a-m-a.
#2. TBD: “So I’m kind of expecting a baby. I think my ex is trying to trap me. “** Is that a text worthy topic? Not really. That’s called being avoidant. Boo to you!
Please share the most deep/bizarre things you’ve been told via technology. Don’t be shy, hey you can be anonymous. The more the merrier. XOXO (but not literally, via computer).
Maiya
Photo courtesy of bbc.co.uk
DROPPED BY *Maiya*
Tags: Blind I, Dumb It Down, Flirting, forwardmotion, Fucking, Love, Sex, Simple Ass Girls, Tech
November 5th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for posting this!
I’ve thought about this occasionally: nowadays we have many ways of getting in touch, but the interaction that can occur isn’t really meaningful.
You’re absolutely right about how text messaging and e-mails should only supplement traditional methods of communication. Listening, speaking, and body language shouldn’t take a backseat to “computer love”. It’s like self-induced sensory deprivation. It’s safe. and boring.
November 6th, 2007 at 8:05 am
I feel/understand you 100. Being a man in the techno times Its very easy to get caught up in the, “I’ll just text her as I watch Chauncey put up a double-double” life. But, for me there are times when I text/email to see if face-to-face sit down communication is even a possibility(obviously I’ve seen her once you never know usually the 1st time is a front anyway). I mean shit I’ve definitely received some ill texts in my day, I just figure I know where it could be potentially going based on a 7 minute finger exercise. I don’t know. I’m going to call it a catch 22 because where I would love to rather sit grab a bit to eat and feel you out. There now are tools to help people communicate differently. Its just the abuse of it that makes it fucked up. Anyway hot post.
November 6th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Thank you for touching on this issue! Call instead of text or there is no point in trying to get to know one another…