It looks like Obama is really pressing to win the Democratic nod. Now as I have expressed in the past, my biggest fear about this election stems from my lack of faith in much-needed White voters to come through and do the right thing for the country and the party. I think that what Obama needs to do to earn their trust is to pick a Vice Presidential candidate that will really speak to their hearts. I did some serious thinking and assembled a list of potential vice-POTUSes that I think Mr. Obama should consider.

5) Elvis Presley

White people LOVE Elvis as much as Black people love Jay-Z, cognac, fried chicken and gun violence. With the “King” by Obama’s side, there is no way that he can lose! And as the National Enquire has confirmed, Mr. Presley is not dead and has been living in Boise, Idaho and waiting for an opportunity just like this.

4) George Bush

Sure, he’s the anti-Christ, the devil, an idiot, a liar, a cokehead, a thief, clumsy, Condoleeza Rice’s secret jump-off, a murderer, a global terrorist, unattractive, a war monger, a Republican, a booze-hound, functionally illiterate, inarticulate and an all-around asshole. But he has the Presidental ticket game on lock. If he gets the most votes, he wins. If he gets the least votes, he wins. If Obama picks GWB as his vice-president, he can stop campaigning now and go chill in Dubai with the Bin Ladens and the Olsen Twins for the next five months and it wouldn’t even matter. Bush will just steal the shit for them.

3)Chuck Norris

Norris is an obvious choice. There would be no need for a War On Terrorism, the sheer mention of Chuck Norris would make all potential terrorists abandon their weapons and break in to a round of “America, The Beautiful”. (Insert a really inappropriate joke about Chuck Norris converting the entire Eastern world into a Christian democracy with a jihad from the tip of his left pinky). Chuck Norris got a perfect score on the SATs by writing “Chuck Norris” in as every answer. He could even cash a $360 billion dollar check without a bank account.

2) John Wayne

Just as Halloween is the White man’s Kwanzaa, John Wayne is the White man’s Martin Luther King. He was a gun-slinging, Hispanic woman-loving, White supremacist cowboy…American as apple pie! Now, Obama is gonna have to pull a “Weekend At Bernie’s” to get the Duke on board, but even dead, I think he has a damn good shot.

And finally…

1) White Jesus

What better affirmation that White leadership won’t be loss with a Black president can you ask for other than having White Jesus in the White House? If White Jesus doesn’t bring home the White vote, it for DAMN sure will lock up the Black one. In fact, I think Black people love White Jesus more than White people. Voter registration in the hood will look like the Million Man March! All those Black folks who hid from the Census will reveal themselves and we’ll find out that Blacks, in fact, make up 45% of the US population. Obama/White Jesus 2008 may be the dream ticket; however, since the ACTUAL Jesus isn’t White, we can just get Jared Leto instead.

Yes, we can!
Sister Toldja

DROPPED BY SISTER TOLDJA

This entry was posted on Friday, May 9th, 2008 at 7:22 am and is filed under Blind I. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.