November 6th, 2006
So here’s my situation.
I’m graduating in December with a degree in music marketing. I’m pursuing a position on the marketing team for Sony BMG through my experiences with marketing and promotions through various mediums I’ve involved myself with throughout Chicago and my college career. My father recently had a stroke in April, and it has been a huge drain on my family, both emotionally and financially. My father is now home, but improves very slowly and needs extensive rehab with his mental faculties. It is not uncommon for him to yell our names for hours at a time in order for someone to fulfill an obnoxious request. Many times his requests are hallucinations he experiences, and he becomes so sure of the hallucination that he almost argues with us when we tell him what’s really there. His demands are non-stop, and although we try to get him whatever he NEEDS, he always goes overboard, constantly asking for more and more. Just around the same time of my father’s accident, my brother closed on his condo that he’d been renovating for some time now. So contractually, he had to move into the condo even though my father’s condition didn’t suit the occasion. He returns home once or twice a week to spend the night and kind of pull his weight, and it’s appreciated, but to live in these conditions day in and day out becomes such a drag. I know it has weighed heavily on my existence, and I KNOW it’s weighed on my mother, who’s trying to balance so many things to keep a roof over our heads that i’m amazed i still have a place to sleep. I so anxiously want to distance myself from the chaos, but I also feel like in doing so I’m neglecting my responsibilities to my family. My mother is already affected by this situation greatly; I don’t even wanna think what it would be like if I wasn’t here to pull some of the weight.
I’d be lying to you if i said that i felt like things were going to improve or improve quickly. It doesn’t seem that way at all. My father’s recovery depends so much on his own personal initiative and drive, and I never see the desire from him to get better. It hurts me to see the man that I looked up to for so long behaving like this; someone whom I know is so intelligent, much more than most people in this world, and yet doesn’t seem to have the control needed to improve. Along with that catch 22 I’ve also had to come to grips with myself over the past couple of days and stop misleading myself about the activities I was involved in. I used to think that if i put all of my energy into trying to make my parties work that somehow that would catapult me to a point where I could get with Sony and be all good. What i found out is quite the opposite; upon my recollection the going out and promoting gave me a temporary escape from the problems at home; the things i didn’t want to deal with. It didn’t benefit me financially; the connects that I made were all things that i didn’t have to go out day and night for, and in the end I ended up losing grips with my family as well as the only person I felt like cared for me and loved me regardless, Crystal. I had to back away and look at things in perspective, and realize that all of the shit that I was involved in meant nothing. The fake glamour and glitz of throwing parties here and there, dressing up for no one, was worthless. All of my REAL friends were on their shit. Their priorities were always intact. Chris used to throw the parties with us but decided that when Law School started, all that other shit was past tense. Lorenzo always kept his in perspective too. I used to sit and be mad, like, why aren’t these niggas on it!? I used to be like fuck it, hit the streets, pass flyers, shake hands, get into clubs, whatever. I didn’t see another outlet that was accessible for me. I ruined my relationship because all of those attitudes started creeping into my conversations. The frustration bubbled and I saw myself saying stupid shit to my girlfriend, shit that I KNEW was out of pocket, but i was so used to it cause that’s how the people around me acted.
I took time away from my relationship with Crystal, for two reasons. One, I didn’t want to drag her into the stupor that i saw myself in. I saw that she was doing good for herself; i saw my existence as more and more of a downer than a positive, and I had to sacrifice myself in order to remove that negative shit from my being. I never told anyone that I was hanging out with that I was backing up from the shit we did on the nightlife scene, but if you watched you would notice. I’d come to my party every other week. I’d leave and go home, do homework, sleep, take my dad off my mom’s hands for awhile. Eventually I stopped hanging out with people. Ever since high school I diagnosed people into three categories: those who you can’t stand at all, those who you can tolerate in moderation, and those who are your peoples for life. Either way, if it’s not your family or your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/significant other, you shouldn’t be around them every day. It’s unhealthy, you start sharing mannerisms, and you lose yourself in a sense. I found that out the hard way.
Three weeks, y’all….THREE WEEKS I went without my heart. I started saying to myself everyday, “Man, I’m graduating from college in a month. what am I doing with myself?” I realized so much in those three weeks it could easily be labeled as a modern-day catharsis. On some Greek “Went to the Oracle and that hoe told me my future” type schitt. Not to be funny though, but really that’s the only way I can describe it without alluding to the fact that I was alone and cried alot. In that span of weeks one of my best friends’ little brothers caught meningitis on his brain, and my boy was flipping out because they felt like they were gonna lose him. I started praying hard, everyday, leaving my situation for last on the prayer list, and just hoping that my boy’s brother got better. This was right in the middle of the month of Ramadan, which for those people who don’t know much about Islam, is the month where we fast and basically understand how blessed we are to have what we have. Talk about a period of introspection. I understood right then and there that shit was bigger than me, and only certain things really matter in life and have substance. I adapted it to my movements and began to eek out of that mode I’d been stuck in.
Upon realizing the error of my ways I struck a deal with myself. No matter WHAT i pursue in the future, there are three things that I will always keep in the forefront of everything I do, and I don’t mean this in some keynote speaker kind of way, but in a way that can clearly convey that I’ve been down in the deep in and never want to go back: My FAMILY, My FRIENDS, and My LOVE. Real fucking talk. If you read this, thank you so much. I came in and felt that I needed to vent somehow. And since my future wife is still at work, I had to vent to my other best friend, good old internet. Peace and love y’all, you can make it through ANYTHING!
-$tunt.
And so it begins. Blind I Multimedia presents our annual holiday celebration, Christmas Eve 2006. Over the years, Blind I has had the priveledge of meeting, working with, and aiding the haut monde of Chicago and beyond. We love to give back to our constituents, and therefore we are planning a Christmas Eve extravaganza to thank everyone for the support that we’ve given each other. Those who’ve attended a Blind I event before know that we pride ourselves on outstanding taste and lavish accoutrements. Details of this event will be provided HERE and HERE only. To find out the location of the event, check here periodically until the date of anticipation. you are also strongly advised to RSVP for a guaranteed spot at our festivities. if you frequent myspace.com, you can RSVP in our myspace event invite page. if you fancy facebook.com, we have a facebook RSVP page for you as well. Blind I likes to let our work speak for itself. With that said, our description is very limited. This will be a haut monde, aristocratic event to celebrate the beauty of all constituents of Blind I. Our resume includes an extensive Chicago nightlife history (Funky Buddha Lounge, Jet Vodkalounge, Boutique, Radiostar, Reserve, and Solo amongst others), as well as outstanding events on Christmas Eve, New Years’ Eve, and the Third Of July, honorably named by Mayor Richard J. Daley Jr. as “Blind I Third Of July”, Maybe you attended our festivities at Regents Park this past summer. We aim to please and NEVER disappoint. Email us at blindiforthekids@gmail.com if you have any questions, comments, or concerns. See you on December 24th!
